Family

What is family? Blood? Siblings? No. Family are people who truly care about you. Family are people who want to see you succeed but give tough love when needed. Family isn’t always blood. It’s funny that the one person in my family that despised me, is the one person I’m closest to, whom I admire & adore.

Through the years I have tried and tried and TRIED to have a relationship with my  mother. I have my own issues w her due to the abuse as a child. However since I’ve grown from being clean & sober for so many years out of all 3 kids I’m the one who is stupid enough to believe there’s some chance of a relationship w her. Doesn’t every daughter have a close relationship w their mom’s? I never have, only w my hero whom I call dad. I’m not sure where I’m headed w this. I guess I’ll just give up on it. I will live my life for me & make sure I’m happy because no one can make me happy but myself right?

To my cousin who gave me a second chance & came to believe in me I LOVE YOU & I THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART 💙

We all are brave. We all have our own story.

Just life

It’s so hard to explain the feelings I have been dealing with these past few days. Months of almost losing my sanity and my recovery, losing my job of 3 years, no car at the moment, my soulmate wanted to do things I cannot and will not do nor tolerate!

I feel lost and empty at times and worst of all, being an emotional wreck!!!! I mean seriously crying waaaaay too easily. That shit has just got to stop lol. I even went as far as to think I’d rather be dead!?! That is NOT me (not like I used to be). But I look at my youngest and think NO FUCKING WAY!!! This guy needs me lol his dad doesn’t understand him like I do (and that’s only because he doesn’t have to deal with him everyday). He deserves the best life possible and I will do whatever it takes to make sure that happens.

I honestly don’t know where I was going with this. All I know is I am hurting deeply, I am confused, and I think I am scared. I HATE being scared. (as I sit here typing this thru tears UGH). I guess I just needed to let out some of the power that was taking control of me, my head, and my actions.

You can only help others to a certain point before you break. Shockingly through all these months I did not break (not completely anyways lol) I still have faith that others can do it, but I know now I need to help/support/love from a far.

What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger right??? Well shit I can bench press my damn apartment complex by now lol only time can heal the broken “wounds” and in time things may go back the way they used to but BETTER & STRONGER!!! and if not so be it. I know I am completely capable of thriving all on my own!!!!!

Ego’s

It’s interesting to me how offended men can get when it comes to women who are say “Tomboyish” lol basically “masculine thinking” is how I would prefer it to call it. I have been trying to write this for a while. I just find it hard (since I was raised by my father) to understand why girl’s aren’t supposed to be as good or better at something than a “male”. Women should be able to stand up for themselves without the hassle of being called names. We need to be strong independent leaders not only for our children but for our own selves. One thing my dad always taught me was you cannot rely on anyone but yourself. I found this to be true and false. In my experience in recovery, you are never alone! So they say. I want my 1 and only daughter to understand this. That you don’t need a man to succeed. PLEASE, I am NOT bashing men in any way whatsoever. I just want other women out there to know that WE ARE STRONG!!!! YOU CAN DO WHATEVER YOU WANT!!! YOU CAN SUCCEED ALL BY YOURSELF!!! Yes it’s nice to have “company” in our success but we don’t have to have it.

Anyhow rant over. Like I said I have been trying to write this since July 4th. It bothers me that men think women aren’t supposed to be capable of the same thing men can do. Give us a chance. We don’t want to be better than men (myself speaking) We just want the same respect and understanding. If there are any gentlemen out there that is reading this, please speak up and shed some light on this situation.

Never Ever Give Up!!!!!

Absolutely!!!! Never EVER give up!

Have you ever….

Have you ever felt like everything is one sided? That what’s good for the goose isn’t for the gander lol. Do as I say not as I do. What makes you so special that YOU get to do what you’d like but others can’t follow the same suit? Oh this is still MY life & I will live it to how I see fit. Life on life’s terms. We ALL need to live our OWN lives to what makes YOU happy not what others want. It’s funny how people tell others how to live their lives but can’t seem to get their own shit together to make their own life happy.

LOL ok rant over. Everyone have a fun but safe holiday weekend. If you’re drinking PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE have a designated driver!!!!!! Everyone’s lives matter!

Hi world, welcome!!!!!

I am new to the blogging world but I know I have a lot to offer others like me out there. I am in recovery and have many years of clean/sobriety. I didn’t have the best life growing up nor did I make the best choices due to this factor, Obviously since I am in recovery, I want other men and women out there to know you ARE NOT ALONE!!!!!